My Story

I can speak to a group of hundreds with no problem - nervous yes, but still comfortable. Actually I think it’s pretty easy: people are forced to listen to you (at least look at you) and they generally laugh at your jokes. Put me in a cocktail party however and I want to pull out my iPhone and look busy - the grownup alternative to hiding under the table.

In the past year or two I’ve grown in this area and learned how to be a little effective in the cocktail party. To me, being effective includes:

• Making connections for future relationships
• Learning as much as I can

How to

How to hack the business cocktail party. The most important step is saved for last!

1. Arrive. Don’t worry about being fashionably late. Just get there about 5 minutes after it starts.

2. Get your drink. I prefer a glass of red wine, unless it’s hot as South Florida can be, then a cold beer. Why do I prefer a glass of wine? Because the point of the drink is to be social and something to do while you’re being social, and wine takes longer to drink. While 1 glass of wine may last the night, it will take 2-3 cold drinks to last for me.

If you don’t drink alcohol, you’re in the club of a number of insanely cool people who don’t drink for a hundred reasons - that’s cool. Grab a soda or water and you’re good.

3. Scout. find someone you think looks:

a. Interesting: Let’s be honest, sometimes it can be tempting to find the least interesting person, because if they reject you, then it’s no big deal. Don’t do that. Find someone who looks interesting to you.

b. Approachable: This is a tough one because many times someone looks unapproachable only because they’re trying not to look out-of-place. Just because someone’s buried in their Blackberry doesn’t mean they don’t walk to talk - actually, it might mean they do!

Another part of approachability is the whole click thing. You remember high school. We haven’t outgrown the clicks yet. If someone you’d like to talk to is in a circle of people who seem to know each other and not really care about anyone else, I suggest you wait until they are by themselves, then approach them. Don’t try and break the circle unless you’re a pro. Sometimes you get invited into the circle, but that’s left up to chance.

4. What do you do? I know, this is so rudimentary, but it works. Asking the person (if at a biz event) “What do you do?” is code for “Hey, you look interesting, let’s chat for a minute or two”. That’s really all it takes to start the conversation. If someone gives you a quick one-word answer and doesn’t ask about you, they either don’t want to talk or are really bad at it . No worries - just move on. Say, “Great, nice to meet you.” and move on! Don’t try and give them your card - just move on.

5. Be genuinely interested. I’m not going to expound on this too much here - you can see my recent post on this. Just be sincerely interested in the other person and seek to learn from them. I’ll write another post with some suggestions on how to guide questions and interactions when trying to learn from the other person.

I’ve found that a very successful conversation can be 95% the other person talking, with the right questions from you. That’s crazy I know, but people love to talk about themselves.

6. Exchange business cards. You must have a business card! For entrepreneurs, I suggest having multiple business cards: one for each company you’re talking about, and another personal business card when the discussion is not related to one specific company. I use my personal business card most of the time. See mine here.

7. Follow Up. This is the most important part of the process. This is the part of the process that is avoided 99% of the time and completely throws away any success you made in making connections.

Add your new contact into your Contact Relationship Manager system and add action steps relating to the person. I suggest steps (tasks) that include a quick “nice to meet you” email 3-4 days later (better than the next day). Then another action step about a month down the road, checking in with them to see how things are going (related to your discussion).

Do not skip this step! If you do, you might as well go out with your friends and family instead of a party centered around making connections.

Last Thought

Personal branding is about making connections - connections where you can give even more than you get. Make great connections and have fun.